Warriors Don’t Give Up

I remember how it was before the accidents, my life was full of excitement. I had so much going on, my life was full of options. At the time I was in my 20’s and I was manager of a rock band, and event promoter. I got hired to be the first seven girls to start a Mexican airline Volaris in Los Angeles🙌🏽and at the same time I was working on my modeling career (my aunt used to model so I was motivated to be one.) I was going places, I was determined to make it in LA and show my parents that it was a good thing I moved out to be independent, and you didn’t need a husband to do it.

My life changed after the first car accident, It almost killed me and later finding out I had a bulging disc. In time doctors said the bulging disc would get worse. I was losing feeling in my legs, I felt I was not able to stand, sit, or sleep. I felt I was going crazy, worst part is I was in so much pain I wanted to pull my hair. Medication was just temporary, I did everything! Therapy, epidurals, massages, water exercises, and to tell you the truth it almost broke me. I wanted to give in. I went into deep depression. My body wasn’t the same. I felt like I was dying. I felt I was losing my mind and my life. I finally decided it was best to have back surgery. I had to receive a “Lumbar decompression, fusion, and instrumentation in the L5-S1.” It was 4-5 hour surgery.

I had a crazy experience while I was having the surgery. It’s like I was on the other side! (I don’t know if you believe in all that stuff) but I was dressed in a long white long sleeve dress and I had a flower crown in my head. I was surrounded by tall trees, huge! It was green all over and I felt so peaceful when normally I would be afraid of big things. I saw three women who were wearing the same thing as me. I felt a presence and it seemed that I knew them but I could not see their face. Then all of a sudden they pointed out the opposite of me and when I turned around I saw a big light that pulled me in, and that’s when I woke up like if I ran out of air. All of a sudden I felt so much pain In wanted to scream so much but I just held it, bitting my teeth, and started shaking. When the doctor added medicine to my IV bag I felt I couldn’t move. While I was getting transferred I saw light that was fading. I felt I wanted to sleep again. When the nurses transferred me to my room the only person I saw was my dad even though my brother and mom were there. The nurses had to transfer me to the bed because I couldn’t get up. I felt my body was still, I couldn’t move one inch of my body. I felt if I did I would be hurting. All of a sudden I started to throw up, and had fever. I lasted four days in the hospital because the doctor had to monitor my progress. I had a therapist assigned to me to teach me how to walk again, and learn how to roll from my bed (I was getting panick attacks just by turning). I had to learn how to sit, stand, and walk. The therapist had to put a belt on me tied to the walker so I wouldn’t fall down. I felt I was fighting for my life and was in so much pain and to be in one position was really difficult. I knew the risk was either die, or be in a wheel chair. I had to fight to start walking again.

Once I got out of the hospital my life was not easy. My mom wanted to stay at the hotel near the hospital for three days since I had to continue seeing the doctor and also my parents living in Oxnard and having my brother come and drive me back and forth was not a good idea. The first day I went to the bathroom on my own I felt I couldn’t go. I tried so hard that I felt I had messed something up in my lowerback because I couldn’t feel my legs. I started crying and yelled out for my mom. She came inside the bathroom and didn’t care if it smelled or if I didn’t have my clothes off because I was crying and screaming to her “I did something wrong because I can’t feel my legs!” My mom assured me everything was okay and to snap out of it and get up. I told my mom I couldn’t. She yelled out to try! I held tight to my walker and fought to stand up. At the same time my mom grabbed me and slowly we walked towards my bed. While I was having my mom pull me to my bed, I felt useless. I needed norco to take the pain away, I felt if I made any movement I would open my wound. I couldn’t turn, the only thing I could do is look at the wall. It almost drove me crazy but I kept myself occupied. Once I arrived in Oxnard it was not easy.. or it got better.

I remember how Frida Kahlo had the trolly accident, she had to undergo spinal fusion surgery but at the time the medicine was not as advanced as it is today. She couldn’t walk but just lay in bed, and look at the ceiling. I know the pain she must of felt physically and mentally. When you’re staring at the wall, all of a sudden you get these past memories, remembering how great it was when you were able to move, dance, run, love... all these emotions, and you can’t do shit about it but just stare at the ceiling.

I went into deep depression. I even told my previous boyfriend to find someone else. I wanted to sleep and not wake up till I was healed. My mother at the same time found out she had pre cancer cells close to her stomach. To keep those cancer cells from growing she had to undergo treatments like radiation. My mom decided to wait since she knew she would be too weak to take care of me. My mother had to help me get out of bed, stand up, clean me, wash me, feed me. My mom would be scared to leave me alone so she would have my dad or my brother take turns watching over me. Not only did I depend on my family but sometimes I had to wear diapers, practice standing or depend on my walker. When I had to visit the doctor my mom had to take me. I had to depend on my walker to get somewhere. It took me almost a year to walk again, and that’s because I decided to fight back. I would ask my mom to let me turn, to get out of bed on my own, shower in my chair , I was trying to do things on my own.

I started to watch things like Sailor Moon (check out my blog post on Sailor Moon), funny movies, and for a bit I disconnected myself from social media. I started to read, listen to lots of music, and ideas were born. I had the idea before about starting a blog about music, travel, fashion trends, but I especially wanted to write about life and have a space where friends can read my stories since some of my friends would often tell me to write a book. Like I’ve always said, it’s important to hear from one another because you never know what you can learn or help with our stories.

This world is filled with so much judgment. I feel we need to help each other by being out there letting it all out and tell each other how it is and that it’s okay to fuck up, or feel a certain way.

We bottle up everything inside. It isn’t healthy for us to keep everything in. We need to shout it out, and talk about it. 

That’s why I decided not only to write a blog, but also design shirts with empowering messages. 

While I was still healing in bed I was designing shirts, sketching, and writing quotes. My favorite “Be you, be bold, be a tigress” is about always be yourself, to tell it how it is, and to kick ass since a tigress is fierce I can definitely relate. After lots of therapy and determination I managed to walk (still working on my physical, and mental self) and decided to put my ideas into action. The focus is a message to share with my friends to motivate them to be fighters, be out there, to not be messed with, be strong in heart and mind. As I motivate myself I want others to do the same. That’s basically how my baby was born... Maycrazylifestyle.

MayCrazyLifestyle is an entrance into the depths of our free spirit and the journey it moves us to, wandering through the sounds of MUSIC, tasting great FOOD, wearing our favorite FASHION threads, and finding inspiration through various ART forms along the way.  Together we'll travel to a destination of inspiration and infinite ideas to create our own LIFESTYLE.

Photo by: Maycrazylifestyle 

Leaving you with this.. 

Never give up on yourself, what ever is stopping you from being happy no matter how long it takes, figure out a way to fight it. Always have a positive attitude, and determination. Be a chingona or chingon.

Profesional Photos by: rocky

Instagram: rocky_fierro